Self-Care Isn’t Selfish
“Okay, I'm going out for community service. Could you lock up the place after you’re done? Thanks!”
Janice spun around and immediately left, without waiting for me to respond.
If we trade places, I wondered if I have the energy to commit after a long day at work. Or perhaps, I’m either lazy or my conviction isn’t as strong.
As I was sweeping the floor, accompanied by the 90s love ballad from the tinny portable speaker, I tried to think about the last time I did mine.
“But then again, isn’t taking care of oneself as equally important, before we extend help to others?” I thought.
Or am I indulging in comfortable excuses for myself?
Altruism and stories extolling the joys of serving others abound in the virtual web. While stories of selfless folks doing noble acts are great motivations for us to emulate, I somehow felt a hunch that having self-compassion are often taken down a notch.
I gazed at the window pane for some time.
Something bothers me and I cannot help but return to this question; Is it possible to immerse yourself with service, when you cannot even care for yourself?
It's like the endless “chicken and egg” debate.
The issue.
I used to think about self-care as something selfish which is born out of the fold of any religion or philosophy. Like a budding evil that needs to be weeded out before it takes root, lest it festers into apathy and indifference.
Sure, the emergency in-flight protocol is to always reach for your oxygen masks first before you administer help to your fellow armchair passengers. Some might argue that it doesn’t really matter as airline crashes have little to no chance of survival, but I see some logic in it.
To simplify, the entire pre-flight safety demonstration revolves around this:
“Tend to yourself first, then you help others.”
My stand is that we should always work on yourself at the basic level before we administer aid for our needy folks. That way, we can fully devote our attention to others.
Now, I see self-care as neither evil nor selfish. It is basically a trigger response from your brain telling you that some of your basic needs aren’t met.
In fact, it actually affirms our worth as an individual which may have beneficial improvements to our health in the long run, and also makes for a better caregiver.
Sometimes we go out of our way of duty so much for the selfless spiritual pursuits that we tend to forget; Our mind and body need nourishment too, else we will just burn out.
I see life as a balancing act. Only when we juggle all three aspects of our self can we achieve true fulfillment.
And the next question will be, how do we know when we are ready?
Factors to consider before you assist:
Define your scope
Work on your strengths. What can you contribute easily? What are the contributions that you have or have a lack of experience on?
Assess if your contributions can improve the situation.
Your resource
Take an inventory of yourself. It can be time, money and effort. Remember that it is often easier for us to extend our help when we know what we can offer.
Being sincere
Sincerity is the essence of helping others.
It must never be to rack up favors or about getting something in return. If we have an iota of thought on it, that means that we need to go back and have a long, hard look at yourself in the mirror.
Never exploit
When we place ourselves as the Good Samaritan, it can seduce us in a position of power and exploitation. After all, it is an opportune time, having the knowledge that the receiver is left with little option but to accept in times of need. It can be as simple as,
“Let me help you with this. So that you can help me with that.” — Mr. opportunist.
The receiver is arm-twisted, without knowing about the next agenda his benefactor has in store. And that rakes up as bad karma points/sins in your book of deeds.
Always catch yourself if you’re selling short on this.
[I like this post about the types of self-care you can work on. The author has also taken the time to categorize, with supporting descriptions.]
Conclusion
The above factors are what I think we need to contemplate before we stride off on the road to altruism. To attain true service is simple, yet surprisingly challenging, especially when one is not clear about their own self.
What do you think about self-help?
May peace be upon you.
